In case you were wondering the meeting with the preacher went terribly…I should have listened to you all and stayed away. He went on about how what I’ve done is a mortal sin and what about all the babies that die in the ivf process and how he was going to cry about it when I left. I almost laughed when he said that. He said that I was in spiritual danger and I should repent for my sin and that you can’t cling to the cross if you’re clinging to “being right” and I should have some humility. He said he wished I’d come to him for “counsel” before making this choice.
He said I’d chosen to bring a baby into a situation that no child would choose. What the fuck does he know about MY situation. He’s been at our church 5 years but we’ve hardly exchanged more than a few words here and there. He’s doesn’t know the first damn thing about my situation and didn’t make an effort to find out before slamming the judgement down. I told him he didn’t know what my child would choose.
At the end he was silent for a very long time, like well over a minute. Then he said he’d email me some crap about what the church body has to say about it and I could read it if I wanted. He didn’t even offer to pray with me.
I didn’t cry although I’m struggling not to right now. I told him no amount of “counsel” would have changed my mind and that I didn’t believe I had done anything wrong. While he thinks I’m in danger, I’ve never felt closer to God. I said I’d prayed alot on the journey and that I’d never experienced anything like it but that a force larger than myself was always with me propelling me forward. God was with me every step of the way. Also, that he was talking about choices already made and that I was sorry I’d met with him. That I didn’t want to go there but my dad had said his job was to bring me closer to God but hearing what he had to say I was on the verge of looking for a new church home.
I feel like I could kill anyone who thinks my baby is a sin.