Support Group Baby

I think I forgot to mention that the first time I went to the support group in December there was a hugely pregnant woman there. I get why. It must be very worrisome and stressful to be pregnant after a loss.

The woman was there tonight too and SHE BROUGHT THE BABY. It was only 10 days old.


They were very polite about it and said if it bothered anyone the husband could take the baby into the hallway.

I didn’t want to be the one to say that the baby being there bothered me.

Halfway through the meeting, she breast fed it.
Right there in front of a bunch of grieving mothers.

The other three people there seemed like long time friends of this woman and
wanted to see and fuss over the baby.


By tearsandtantrums Posted in grief

31 comments on “Support Group Baby

  1. Wow, some people have NO consideration for others. I don't know how you kept it together. I know I wouldn't have been able to. As far as I'm concerned, if the other three women were good friends of the woman who brought the baby, they should at least have had the consideration of anyone else at that meeting to meet up with her at another time and in another location. How incredibly rude. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. 😦

  2. I hope if you get the nerve to go again that you tell the woman, perhaps privately that the baby being there bothered you, after all you went there for having lost a baby and dont need to be reminded of what you are aching for.I am sending you lots of good vibes! stay strong

  3. wow i would not have handled that! maybe have a chat to the class organiser (if there is one) just to tell the lady that not everyone was comfortable with the baby being there. no names should have to be involved or anything, just a little reminder to that lady that it hurts to see a newborn baby. hope you are okay, i know how much that would have hurt. xx

  4. Wow! Wow! Wow!Maybe you can suggest to the facilitator of that group in private that you were upset by the baby being there. Not fair to expect you to say something when the baby was already there! I would have had a hard time too. so sorry.

  5. That was ridiculously insensitive. Have they forgotten how difficult it was to see a pregnant woman and babies? Absolutely horrible & rude and inconsiderate. That makes me really angry and it wasn't my support group!

  6. I can NOT believe that the leader allowed that! That's absolutely ridiculous and insensitive of that woman. If those women are such great friends, they should have met outside of the meeting to ooh and aah over the baby. That's ridiculous. I understand how you didn't want to be the one to say something though, that had to be miserable and awkward. Hopefully she won't bring the baby back again. UGH! People are such idiots sometimes!

  7. Oh wow. Paige, that must have been awful…doesn't that woman remember what it was like? If they were long time friends with this woman then they should have found another more appropriate time to fuss over her new baby, outside of the group session…to me it's just completely insensitive & inexcusable.

  8. That is so tactless and insensitive… WTF was that woman thinking?? Why does she believe that it's okay to rub it in people's faces like that, she got her happy ending and good for her, but that is just WRONG.I don't know how you braved it, I would have up and left in a hurry. I suggest speaking to the meeting leader and telling her that you aren't comfortable and won't be returning if it happens again.

  9. Wow, that is ridiculous! I'll admit I did go to the support group up until about 20 weeks, I didn't mention I was pregnant and kept it hidden, I wore a huge bulky hoodie and got there early and stayed sitting at the table so no one noticed except for people I was already friends with and who knew. I stopped going after that and would never ever dream of bringing a baby, that just seems common decency. Can you email the group leader or something?

  10. OMG that is just awful. Im so sorry you had to go through that Paige. That is so frikkin insensitive. I have nothing to say about the mum but what we the group leader thinking???? Oh honey, what a horrible experience. I do hope it doesn't happen again. E

  11. With the new mom, we can partially blame hormones for her lack of thought. The others were equally culpable. I don't know how you did it. I struggle with being around pregnant women and I haven't had a loss. I hope that you are comfortable speaking up to someone and that you are able to still get support there. I can't believe that they were SO insensitive. I just want to smack someone.

  12. I think you should mention to the organizer how it made you feel. She may have thought having the option to say take the baby out would be enough. Let her know its not.The next time you have the option and the baby is there, ask that the husband take it into the hall. You have every right to be comfortable when seeking support even if you're the only one to verbally object.

  13. What is wrong with people? That is so incredibly insensitive. And how could the leader not know this is inappropriate? Again, what is wrong with people?I'm sorry you had to go through that.

  14. She of all people should have anticipated how you and the others would have felt. She should have put herself in your shoes.I'm sorry that you had to go through that in a space that was supposed to help you grieve.

  15. Remember that this group is for YOU, and you deserve to feel comfortable. I'd contact the facilitator, or her superior if that is uncomfortable to do. It was incredibly insensitive (to say the least!) to even bring the baby, especially since she has the father to help out. People do this all the time at the IF clinic, while not QUITE as awful, it is wrenching to see little toddlers calling Mommie Mommie in the waiting room full of poor women. My heart hurts for you Paige, be good to yourself.

  16. I would not have been able to say anything, either, Paige. But OMG, I can NOT believe that she did that! I'm willing to bet that in the midst of the oohing and aahing, at least one of the other women felt awful about the baby being there, too, but was further along in her grieving to be able to hid it enough to fawn. And then she breast fed the baby – in front of all of you? I'm amazed no one hit her.

  17. Reading that infuriates me. That is un-f&%king believable. You have the right to go to your support group without having to endure more pain. I am so sorry that happened. I wouldn't have had the strength to sit there. It is a testament to your beautiful nature.

  18. There is no way on earth I am reading this right. There is just no way on the planet that is real.You should tell the facilitators they are a shame to anyone in service. I am sick for you.Michaela – what a nice thought. I agree completely.

  19. That's so wrong, that on top of everything else… they bring a baby AND make it YOUR responsibility to speak up! In front of everyone. You, who have so much weight on your shoulders, being asked to do one more thing.Grrr!(PS I'm delurking… you don't know me, I just found you through your blog. And found it incredibly moving. I hope that's okay and not too weird.)

  20. My freaking head is expoloding. Seriously? I … okay, I went to a support group one time for sexual abuse survivors. Um, we didn't let men who sexually abuse children just come sit in there. And then start masturbating in the middle of it.OMG, I'm just …Ok, so I'm behind in reading your blog and just catching up. And I'm reading in reverse order, so the Reiki stuff is just beautiful and this …I have no words.And to put you in a position where you would have had to speak up. Doesn't anyone realize how inappropriate the situation is, and to force you to have to be the one to point that out …Wow. Just, wow.

  21. omg that was so insensitive. And "nice" of them to say – if anyone feels uncomfortable… , but really, is that nice putting you and the other women in such a situation?? I'm sorry there are some people out there that just don't get it. It is a loss suport group. Even if you are great friends with the other women, you do not bring your baby, and then breasfeed it??

  22. I get her need for support, but think that it's absolutely INEXCUSABLE for her to think that it would be okay to bring a baby to your group. If she thought in might even in the smallest way make someone uncomfortable… which of course it would. She should have stayed home, or left the baby at home. I'm so sorry that you had to suffer through something so uncomfortable!I'll introduce myself now, my name is Sherri, and we lost our baby girl on Nov 19th at 22weeks. She was an invitro baby, we also have a 2 year old little girl (also IVF) I'm sorry that you lost Greyson, and am sending loving healing wishes your way.

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