Doctor’s New Office

If you were wondering what the ultimate irony is, it’s receiving my son’s gravestone proofsheet in the mail on the same day as my appointment to see the doctor about maybe trying to get pregnant again someday.

I really miss being his mom.

My heart runneth over with raw mixed emotions. And there might even be a bit of hope and looking to the future mixed in there along with the sorrow and the gone-ness of him.

Dr. AA had a lot to say while really having nothing new to say. He has no answers either as to why that sad, bad thing happened to us. He agreed with everything Dr. H said. He prescribed progesterone to help start my period. He says there is “probably” a baby in amongst the 6 frozen embryos, it’s just a matter of finding it, either when I try again or the next time I try after that. He said I have about the same chance at getting pregnant as I did the first time and that if an embryo doesn’t survive the thaw it’s because it was genetically “bad” not because it was frozen. Everything for this new cycle, if I chose to go forward, would be basically the same as Sweet Pea’s cycle. He encouraged me to try again as soon as possible. I’m to call the clinic when my period makes an appearance.

I’m not sure I want to or can even bring myself to try again but….

I’d forgotten that I already love them.

My six frozen embryos.

Just like I loved Sweet Pea before he grew inside me.

My doctor just moved offices. Guess what his new street number is:
I actually got an email about the doctor moving offices the day after I got home from the hospital. I had horrible, bitter thoughts when I read that email but I didn’t delete it.
Was it Sweet Pea even then, nudging me forward?

15 comments on “Doctor’s New Office

  1. Yes! I believe this is a sign from Greyson that you have his permission to try again. That is just wayyyyy too much of a coincidence for me. Yes. He is nudging you forward. But, I think it's just to let you know he approves. You have to take this at your own pace. At the time you got the email, you weren't even THINKING about the number that keeps recurring in your life. Then, eventually, you started seeing it, and taking photos, and the day came that it clicked and you took today's photo. And now you realize what it means.Wow.

  2. I think it is a really good thing that the doctor's office moved. I have such a streak of superstition that I HAD to get a new OB after my miscarriage. I just couldn't face the possibility of sitting in the same examination room where I got the bad news. So if I were in your shoes I would see this as encouragement, a sign, some signal that it is ok to move ahead. Sweet Pea's siblings are waiting for you when you are ready!

  3. I got goose bumps looking at the 555. I saw one the other day too. Signs, signs, everywhere signs.You will know when the time is right to try again. The embryos aren't getting any older so it shouldn't make a difference if you wait a while.

  4. Oh I wish I wasnt so darn superstitious, but if the writing isn't clearly on the wall, I don't know what is!!!!! I'm sorry about the ironic duality of today, that's a lot of emotions to process at once. I think Greyson wants a sibling.

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