Negative Beta

I just couldn’t hold out so I requested my first beta result be sent by email:

“Hi, Paige,

I am sorry to tell you that your first beta was negative. I hate to email you news. Can you please still go for your second one tomorrow? We can talk about stopping meds then if it is still negative.

Again, Paige, I’m sorry.

One hour after I read this email I had to walk into school for a workshop
and pretend I was normal.

Why didn’t I hold out for the second beta?
I could have been “pregnant” one more day.

I was so very sure they were there.
How could I have gotten it so wrong?

I told them I loved them every night.
Outloud like an overconfident fool.

How can my heart still be beating?



43 comments on “Negative Beta

  1. I'm so sorry that it was negative. I don't think you were being foolish for beaming them all that love I think you were being a good mama. Many hugs being sent your way

  2. I feel like crying, I'm so so so sorry Paige. I agree with Meg above about how you were being a good mom thinking loving thoughts and saying loving things. This is so hard.

  3. I'm sorry, and you are definitely not a fool! I wish they could have stayed with you. I could go into a whole rant about how incredibly not fair it is… but I'll just send you a huge cyber hug instead. Thinking about you tonight.

  4. I'm so sorry. Obviously it's still possible, or the nurse wouldn't ask you to go for a second test (your clinic tests 6 days earlier than mine!). I'm hoping for you.

  5. Hi Paige, I'm so sorry. I had my negative beta on Saturday and I understand exactly what you are experiencing. I've visited your blog every day to see the great news and my heart breaks for you. I know there are no words to help you feel any better especially after what you went through with Greyson. I know it took so much courage to even try again. I get that. I have the chills as I write this. I am just so sad for you, my friend. I'm thinking of you.

  6. Oh, Paige, I'm so very sorry. I have heard that frozen sometimes take longer to implant. Hoping that's the case, and the second beta will be a wonderful surprise.And I agree with Taylor, you are a very courageous woman. Big hug.

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