Just off the phone with Dr. AA with our WTF consult. Wonderful man although he hasn’t been able to help me produce a baby. He spent an hour with me and basically said it was “embryo factor” which caused the BFN. Not hormone levels or tubal issues or anything I did or didn’t do. He said we certainly could keep a closer eye on the hormones but it’s all relative because no one really knows what the correct level is for any individual. He also said that tubal issues could be seen on the ultrasounds he’d done prior to the FET and he’d seen none with me. I told him about my SIL offering me her uterus and he said I had no uterine issues so that would not really be necessary.
If everything is so damn perfect then why am I not A. holding my baby right now or B. pregnant ????
He was so so encouraging going forward with my last two stragglers (I have to come up with something else to call them). Although I asked a few times about going forward if this last cycle isn’t successful he wouldn’t let me worry that far ahead. He did say there were other resources available and costs he could cut in the future if needed although there was nothing he could do about the cost of a donor which is the huge cost that I wouldn’t be able to afford or if I could should probably think about putting it toward adoption. He mentioned donor embryos and also offered to cut or even do away with the cost of this FET.
I asked him how important a positive attitude was in going forward. I choked up and told him I was really struggling. He sort of veered off and started talking about depression and medication. He said if I need medication I should take it even right up to the day of the cycle and into pregnancy (I will not be doing this). He did say in his experience positive or negative attitude really doesn’t seem to have an impact on outcome and he’s seen it both ways with patients with positive and negative attitudes.
He told me to go on BCPs to control my periods until I decide to sign up for this last? cycle.
We also joked about red wine to help with “positive attitude”. Well, I joked first and he joined in and said I could send him a bottle of “Opus One” if he was able to help me have a baby. I’ve never heard of that winery so I’m writing it here so I’ll remember. I’ll send him a damn case of the stuff every month if he can help me make this happen.
Please pray for me that I can get my head and heart together. I’m really struggling. Those stragglers deserve to be put into a uterus attached to a hopeful heart.