Happy, Heavy Memory

I spent the day helping my parents get ready for their third annual Farm Bash.  I remember last year helping Dad bring some tables back on a big hay wagon.  Mom spotted me riding on the wagon, holding the tables from sliding around and started sputtering with disapproval because I was 9 weeks pregnant.  One year ago at this same party, very few people knew why I was beaming with happiness.   You all commented that Sweet Pea was so lucky to be born into such a great family.  

It is a very warm and happy memory….but it weighs heavy on my heart. 

I’m pretty sure there will be quite a few of these “one year ago” posts in the near future.  My upcoming FET is the emotional agenda as well.  Feels a bit like entering dangerous territory emotionally speaking.  Hope you’re all feeling up to a turbulent fall.

Sweet Pea would be almost 5 months old now, if he’d lived. 



4 comments on “Happy, Heavy Memory

  1. I think he was lucky to have you as his mom. As hard as it is and continues to be on you, you will always keep his memory alive and this means his short life was special and he will never be forgotten.

  2. It is so hard to look back on those happy moments, wondering if you will ever feel that way again. And it would never be that carefree easy happiness, would it? *sigh*
    I’m so proud that you’re going for the FET, even though it is hard to work up enthusiasm. Hoping it all works out for you, and you have other happy memories to add to those bittersweet ones soon…

  3. I’m sure there will be many more firsts and we’ll be hear to read your reactions to them. You are brave, strong, and caring, Everyone who knows you is blessed by knowing you. I’m praying over the upcoming FET and like musicmakermomma hope that soon you will have some more happy memories.

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