I Did Something Strange

Ok…I’m really not sure I should be writing about this but I really feel close to the edge on this one and the two people on earth I would trust to reach out to for validation and comfort are not answering their phone.  

I was getting my hair cut today by a gal in her early 50s who I had never been to before in one of those chain places.  We were chatting and I was having a pleasant experience but then it somehow came up that I had a baby who died.  She asked how old he was and I meant to say 20 weeks and explain that I had been pregnant.  When I said it, though, it came out, “twenty  months”. 

That’s not the odd part though.   I didn’t realize I’d made the mistake until a comment or two had passed and instead of correcting myself….I just played along with it.  Saying as little as possible about this “toddler” who had died.  I even said it was a  “stomach disease” when she asked how it happened.   I made about 3 or 4 comments about it.

Thank God she started babbling on and on about hair extensions and her fifty bajillion dates she’s going on with younger men.   I kept up appearances, I think, and acted normal but the whole time I was very upset thinking how strange….I mean REALLY strange it was that I’d done that and how I couldn’t wait to get out of that damn chair.

Why the hell did I do that?  Why?  It’s crazy and strange.  I’ve been close to the edge before but I’ve never done anything like this.  I have no excuse except that I’m awfully tired.

Have I gone off the deep end?       I’m still pretty upset and scared. 

And it’s not even a good haircut….picture Paula Deen with red hair.   (Not that Paula isn’t a beautiful woman, it’s just not the cut for me)

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5 comments on “I Did Something Strange

  1. Sounds like your auto pilot came on which allowed you to continue chatting about a subject that no one should have to delve into with a stranger in a public place. I wouldn’t over think it too much. The haircut though…maybe go somewhere else for a revision? I agree, Paula’s ‘do is nice but no young person should be sporting it!

  2. Don’t worry. I’m not in any way qualified to comment but my thought is that it was probably just emotionally easier to go along with ‘the story’ than to talk about the truth. You probably knew that she wasn’t going to delve into it and it wasn’t going to be a long story; it’s not something easy for people to talk or ask about.

    Besides, it’s not like you were making up a story for sympathy or some other terrible purpose. You told a sad story. The true story is also a sad story. The end result would have been not different if you corrected yourself, except that it probably would have been more painful for you.

    I have to say I’ve been tempted in the past to tell some stranger a story but I’ve never done it.

  3. It’s so hard to have ‘the right thing’ to say when the story of one’s dead child comes up. For me it’s difficult because I still can’t think about her without becoming a big teary mess – and who wants to do that in front of strangers? I don’t think what happened with the hairdresser should cause you too much concern. There really isn’t a ‘right’ way to handle what you’ve been through or how you’re feeling. Lots of wisdom in the previous comments.

  4. I might have done the same. i think it takes too much energy and emotional effort to double back and correct the story than to just go along with it ….plus its a way of being somewhat emotionally detached from what ‘really” happened. Your not strange or weird or going off the deep end…your a momma trying to muddle your way through life after a very significant loss.

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