Pee Sticks

Well, my nieces just popped by unexpectedly and I’m pretty sure Stretch saw the newly purchased home pregnancy tests in my bathroom.  Ack!  She didn’t say anything and I’m hoping it was just amongst the other makeup and crap I have on the counter and that she didn’t notice.

I’m barely keeping my sanity intact with the waiting and still over analyzing every move I make (Should I really be pushing this cart through the store?  Can I lift a gallon of water? etc, etc, etc until I’m exhausted) even though I know it doesn’t really matter especially since I’m at the one week mark.

Everything has pretty much felt exactly like it did during my last failed cycled.  Except this deep sharp cramp I felt while standing up during church.  I’m really hoping it was an implantation cramp.  I distinctly remember feeling something similar during the cycle during which I got pregnant with Sweet Pea.  You can see how the brain is constantly working and working.  I should probably have acupuncture everyday but that’s just not practical.

I’m also obsessively re-reading my blog entries from Sweet Pea’s cycle.  This is bad for me, I know but I just can’t seem to stop.  I really want to pee on a stick tomorrow but I peed on a stick at this point in SP’s cycle and it was negative only to become positive two days later.   I’m going to try to hold out until Tuesday but I make no promises.

I keep hoping and hoping.  I’ve even thought about who I would take with me to hear the heartbeat the first time and how I’ll handle those weekly checks with the MFM and how I’ll tell my family.  Again, stupid overdrive brain.  How can I help but be hopeful??  Life was put inside me six days ago…

I’m trying to brace myself for disappointment as well and have made a little plan on what to do if it is negative.   I’m pretty sure RK will be proud when she hears this tomorrow.  With my last cycle, failure was not on the radar and partially why I fell so hard.  So hard.  I’m trying to prepare so it won’t hurt so badly this time.

I hope you’re still with me Stragglers.  Please hang on….

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6 comments on “Pee Sticks

  1. Thinking of you! I would tell you not to worry, obsess, plan, hope, etc. But that would be futile. I think it’s okay to do whatver feels like what you need to do. No one else can understand exactly where you are at. And no one has the right to tell you what to think or how to feel (which doesn’t work anyway). Hang in there. Wishing you and the stragglers the best!!!!

  2. I would be doing the same thing as you, reading through old blog posts, comparing notes, wondering, worrying, hoping, praying..it all goes with the territory of IF, I honestly think there is absolutely no avoiding it. It’s like going on a Lion Hunt- Can’t go over it, can’t go under it, can’t go around it, guess you just have to go through it!!! Xoxoxxo

  3. You’re amazing, Paige. I started testing the DAY AFTER the transfer just so I could get a baseline and then three times a day after the 3DPT. It’s what we have to do to keep hope alive, to keep busy, to keep from going completely crazy. You’re doing great, my friend. Hang on. By next Sunday you’ll know. And then we’ll celebrate. 🙂

  4. I’ve reread old blog posts from previous cycles too. I really hate the 2 week wait. What torture.

    Hang in there and try not to test too early.

    Oh, your niece probably noticed the pee sticks but didn’t put 2 and 2 together or just knew not to say anything. I wouldn’t worry about it. If anyone asks just say they were left over and expired and you were tossing them out.

  5. Waiting on tenterhooks with you. This over analyzing is par for the course, there is no escaping it. There is no bloody way to control your attitude to things either, to approach matters with just the right level of detachment. My mom keeps telling me that when the time comes to try, to do it without emotion. to just do my part and leave the rest (good or bad) to somebody else, and be OK with whatever verdict is handed out result. Its the most sensible (and difficult to follow) advice- I’ll try my damnedest, if I can succeed even a little, it would be quite something!

    Best of luck- try to stay distracted!

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