Well, my nieces just popped by unexpectedly and I’m pretty sure Stretch saw the newly purchased home pregnancy tests in my bathroom. Ack! She didn’t say anything and I’m hoping it was just amongst the other makeup and crap I have on the counter and that she didn’t notice.
I’m barely keeping my sanity intact with the waiting and still over analyzing every move I make (Should I really be pushing this cart through the store? Can I lift a gallon of water? etc, etc, etc until I’m exhausted) even though I know it doesn’t really matter especially since I’m at the one week mark.
Everything has pretty much felt exactly like it did during my last failed cycled. Except this deep sharp cramp I felt while standing up during church. I’m really hoping it was an implantation cramp. I distinctly remember feeling something similar during the cycle during which I got pregnant with Sweet Pea. You can see how the brain is constantly working and working. I should probably have acupuncture everyday but that’s just not practical.
I’m also obsessively re-reading my blog entries from Sweet Pea’s cycle. This is bad for me, I know but I just can’t seem to stop. I really want to pee on a stick tomorrow but I peed on a stick at this point in SP’s cycle and it was negative only to become positive two days later. I’m going to try to hold out until Tuesday but I make no promises.
I keep hoping and hoping. I’ve even thought about who I would take with me to hear the heartbeat the first time and how I’ll handle those weekly checks with the MFM and how I’ll tell my family. Again, stupid overdrive brain. How can I help but be hopeful?? Life was put inside me six days ago…
I’m trying to brace myself for disappointment as well and have made a little plan on what to do if it is negative. I’m pretty sure RK will be proud when she hears this tomorrow. With my last cycle, failure was not on the radar and partially why I fell so hard. So hard. I’m trying to prepare so it won’t hurt so badly this time.
I hope you’re still with me Stragglers. Please hang on….