Donor Number 5

Things were going fine.   I kept thinking I should write here but I didn’t know what because things have been so calm and boring.  Donor Agency Lady contacted me yesterday to let me know that my new donor was on a low dose of Xanax didn’t want to “waste my money” on lab work if I didn’t know about the medication in case I didn’t want to go forward with her.  She didn’t let us know this until THE DAY the lab work was due.  Because I didn’t answer the email until after business hours I’m screwed for using this donor for February.   The donor is “sorry and understands if you don’t want to go forward with her”.

The medication didn’t bother me.  I was on it for a while myself after the baby died.  But I think she either is a flake which means she will possibly flake out when it comes to the important stuff or she just didn’t really want to be a donor.

I did not laugh this time like I did with the syphilis incident.  I cried and felt the bitterness taking me over.  I really want to quit but there is at least $5000 that is nonrefundable plus I’m sure more than that from the doctor’s office.    I work hard for every penny and I can’t just let that much go down the drain.  I cried and cried last night begging God to show me my path because this certainly can’t be it.   I feel like some kind of moron that He keeps having to hit over the head.

I am assured I can still get in on the February cycle with another donor although if I couldn’t get in with this donor, I’m not exactly sure how a new one could work. 

Anyway, on to donor number 5.  Wonder what will go wrong this time.


10 comments on “Donor Number 5

  1. So sorry this has to be so much work and disappointment. I can understand why you would want to quit at this point. But perhaps the money is what is keeping you hanging on until you are matched with the donor that is right for you. (I don’t usually buy into the whole destiny/fate thing, but I do think that some things happen for a reason and I hope there is a great reason in store for you.)

  2. Paige — you so deserve a break! This is crazy, I am so sorry that you are going through it again. $5K is a lot to walk away from for us nomal working people. I know how you feel about “being hit over the head “, as I said in my post its always one step ffd and 3 steps back. I hope this next donor works out for you.

  3. I find it so easy to be negative about myself but I always feel positive about you. It probably drives you nuts. I just wanted to say you shouldn’t let the money go. Pick another donor and see what happens. I can’t help think that after all the heartbreak and difficulty you’re due for something good and positive (oh and you’re due for a long, long spell of it).

    You’re probably right about her being flaky too. You’d be stressed the entire time she cycled thinking she might drop out.

  4. I’m sorry for this set back…just a thought: could donor #5 be The Donor, the one meant to be? I only wonder this since 5s have been a sign of Greyson & maybe he had his hand bringing you Donor 5. Please forgive me if I’ve over stepped, it’s just the 1st thought that came to me when I read your title. Keeping positive thoughts for you.

  5. I just dont trust things that last minute. Sounds flakey to me too. You’ll feel so much better if you go with someone that you don’t start out on a negative front with. And the idea of walking away from $5000 made me choke a little. I really hope this works out before the stress is more than the money.

  6. Oh sweetie, yeesh! Does this agency have any stable donors? Not talking about the meds because you know that I am medicated to the yazoo but I wouldn’t wait till the last minute to let someone know. I am normally not big on “fate” but hopefully you will find someone who is the “right” donor and who will be able to help you become the mom you deserve to be.

  7. Wow, I agree this sounds flakey, would have been worried to go forward under the time pressure. Hoping they get it together for you, but maybe Gd wants you to wait til the next cycle? I know the feeling of urgency when you just want to move forward, and I do hope it works out for this time around, but keep your ears open for that quiet voice that will show you the way. Blessings on you Paige.

  8. Gosh, I’m sorry. It sounds like, overall, there is an issue with this donor agency which is why all this crazy shit keeps cropping up. Hope the next person is issue-free.

    But remember- you are under no time constraints here. Just take a deep breath, relax, and let this stuff happen at its own pace. Whether you proceed now, or 3 months from now, in the end, makes very little difference in the grand scheme of things. This is the same pep talk I’ve been giving myself- but I find, while its easy to give this philosophy to others, we get so very upset when the small delays happen to us.Telling you all this clarified it a bit in my own head, which I’m grateful for.

  9. Wow, that is pretty bad! But I agree… you probably don’t want Donor #5’s genes anyway! It’s ridiculously unfair that this is happening to you, but kudos for seeing the absurd humor in the situation. It may be time for a serious talk with the Agency director – you deserve the absolute best they have to offer! (On a side note, your obvious tenacity will make you a great mom soon!)

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