I just lied right to my mother’s face. Well, it was over the phone but you get the drift. She asked if I thought I was ready to “dive into” getting pregnant again. I told her I wasn’t sure. She said something about it being so hard with all the shots and everything. I said the shots were the easy part. But what if I lost another one…that is the part I’m not sure I would survive. Then she started to cry.
So not only am I a mother liar, I made my mother cry tonight too.
Please understand I was trying to protect her. She’s been having a very hard time with depression this winter and I don’t want my life choices to keep her in the hole where they put her to begin with.
It’s true I don’t know if I would survive another pregnancy that ended too soon. I think about that everyday along with the terror that must come with a pregnancy after loss.
Am I a terrible person? Do you think less of me?