Well, I’m still having Crazy Train Brain. It has come and gone over the past few days but when it’s on it’s ON! I had an appointment with RK the Counselor today and the way I blathered on and on…..sheesh… I wonder if I’m going out of my mind. For a while, last week I didn’t even think about all the possible outcomes here, I was just hoping to survive the next hour and wondering what ELSE I’d have to deal with. Now, the possibilities come and go. What if I don’t get pregnant….or worse still…what if I do and it dies like Greyson did.
When my baby died I experienced so many days I didn’t think I was going to survive. So I have to wonder why anyone would sign on for something they don’t know they’ll survive? I must be some kind of moron. I’d forgotten what a hellish roaller coaster this is Worse this time of course because before I was innocent of what could go so terribly wrong. How the hell am I going to make it through to the beta??
But I took a long walk this evening and told myself over and over that crazytrain brain is caused by the hormones and that I was stronger than I felt. I will survive what happens.
And reminding myself: good things DO happen sometimes.
PS…detailed fert report on Thursday….I promise.