Out of the blue, my mom dropped by the other day and she handed me a card. She said, “Happy Birthday” when she handed it to me. Inside was a rather sizable check. I was gobsmacked since I’d already had my birthday and she’d given me my traditional birthday check then. The card said, “This is ‘found’ money. I’m giving it to you as an investment in both our futures. Please accept and don’t give me any static. Love Always, Mom”. She’s offered me money to try again before but I’ve been pretty fierce about doing this myself. I actually laughed a little as I thanked her and said I didn’t know what to say since I couldn’t give her any “static”. It was actually a tiny bit uncomfortable. She told me it was money from my grandpa’s inheritance to her that the financial advisor recently told her to get out of a certain investment it was in so she decided to give it to me rather than reinvest in something else.
On the way out, she told me not to say anything to my brother. Never, never in the history of my family have my parents ever given one of us something and not the other one. It’s always been very clear how fair they’ve been with money and other resources. So that troubled my thoughts for a while. Wondering if I should try to make up half the amount down the line sometime if I could or hoping that maybe the cycle wouldn’t cost as much and I could give my brother the excess or give it back to my parents and let them decide. I really wrestled with this one but then it occurred to me that my brother has two kids. My mother buys their school clothes and supplies each year as well as puts money into college funds for them and other things here and there. So that mollified me. I guess, it’s ok, this once, that my parents do this one thing for me that they don’t for him.
I don’t know yet exactly how much this cycle will cost because the doctor offered me financial aid but I don’t yet know how much. I had thought I that by scraping the barrel I’d pretty much had this cycle covered although I imagined a small sum (or perhaps a large sum?) had to go on my credit card. This money she’s given me has really taken a load off my mind. I didn’t realize how much I thought about paying for this try with Em’s eggs until I didn’t have to think about it any more. For that I am extremely grateful.
The line in the card “an investment in both our futures” did stick in my heart though. We all know this is really my last shot. It feels as though there’s a lot riding on this cycle and a lot of people to bring disappointment to if it fails. I know it will hit my mother, who struggles with depression very hard, and I don’t know how to prepare myself or her for that event. I try not to think about it too much.
Wow…I didn’t think I had that much to say about that.
We went to an art fair today and had a lovely time. I saw this drawing and thought of Greyson so I bought it. It’s much cuter in real life. My mother had to walk away very quickly, I know she was having a “moment”. I cried just a little when I was looking at it at home. It doesn’t fit with anything else in my home and I don’t know where or if I’ll hang it up.
Do you think I’m a weirdo for having bought it?
And I guess I thought Greyson’s future brother had to have one as well…so I bought this one too.
Still think I’m not a weirdo??
Hey I just found the poll button!
School starts tomorrow, well, I started last week but the KIDS start tomorrow and I’m pretty excited. I’m recommiting myself to eating healthfully and exercising. Do you think I can lose 15 pounds by the embryo transfer in mid-October? Wait, it’s another poll!