So I get an email from the coordinator at my clinic asking if I wanted a follow up consult to my most recent failed cycle. A form letter type of thing. At the bottom is an extra paragraph saying that because I’m a “special patient” and she’d been “thinking of me” she wanted me to know first hand that Dr. A was leaving the clinic. He’d still be doing cycles through January but after that the big wig guy who’s the founder and head of all the clinics nation wide would be the medical directer.
Of course my mind goes straight to the freak out wondering if it’s some mistake or malpractice that has him leaving and did he mess up this cycle for me or maybe all of my failed ones. So after stewing for awhile I called to schedule a post failure consult and the receptionist asked me if I knew he was leaving. I took the opportunity to ask why. She actually started whispering and said it was on the “down low” and they were only telling people “like you who’ve been around awhile”. She thought he was moving on to “do something else in fertility” but that it would be far away from here. Eventually, I calmed down by reminding myself that this is a very competitive business and docs are probably always looking for the next stepping stone and decided that if it was some bad incident that had him leaving he wouldn’t be sticking around to do two more months of cycles.
This has thrown me into a tizzy of deciding what to do. I could hurry up and do one last cycle with Dr. A. Ya know cause he’s had so much success with me (insert sarcasm here) OR wait and do the cycles with the big wig (I’m too tired to come up with a cute nickname, it’s Dr. Sher from Las Vegas, anyone heard of him? Opinions?), or I could move the frozens to another clinic and start all over which seems like a waste of time. It all feels so pointless because I don’t believe the frozens will come to anything yet I don’t have the heart to donate or discard them. I don’t really believe good things happen anymore, to me anyway.
However, I did go ahead and schedule a consult with Dr. Sher in December when he will be here preparing for the February cycles and I can’t stop scheming about cycles beyond the frozens and how I could scrape up the $20,000 I’d need to start completely over. It’s not going to happen, I know, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about it.
And PS I don’t want to be a “special patient” who gets things on the “down low” because I’ve been around so long. This did NOT make me feel special AT ALL but just amped up the bitterness.
Also PS, anyone have any questions for Dr. A? I think he will say the exact same thing he’s said 4 times before and I just can’t think of anything to ask him besides about surrogacy for the frozens.
The other thing I think is on the down low…. Women under 40 this is a public service announcement for you…God knows I wish someone had pulled me aside and prepared me for this. Something I’ve never heard any woman talk about so it wasn’t on my radar at all…
I went to the regular gyno only because I wanted my Xanax prescription renewed and they wouldn’t do it because I was due for a yearly. Anyway, she’s doing her thing, swabbing and all and then she says in a tone FAR too bright….. “OK time for a little rectal exam!” Before I could utter the syllable, “WHA???” she was freaking in there. In THERE, where NO ONE should be. “Uhhh when did we start doing this?” is what I eventually was able to stammer. “After 40 you get the 25 cent prostate exam!” I’m telling you this woman was far, far too cheerful about the whole thing. I can laugh (ok smirk bitterly )about it now, but it was horrible. She was in there about 5 seconds and I know it was just medical protocol but I had an icky feeling that just stayed with me for the rest of the day. You would think that after having so many hands in me over the past 4 years it wouldn’t have shocked and embarrassed me so much.
Women of the world, WHY was I not informed of this!