On The Down Low

So I get an email from the coordinator at my clinic asking if I wanted a follow up consult to my most recent failed cycle.  A form letter type of thing.  At the bottom is an extra paragraph saying that because I’m a “special patient” and she’d been “thinking of me” she wanted me to know first hand that Dr. A was leaving the clinic.  He’d still be doing cycles through January but after that the big wig guy who’s the founder and head of all the clinics nation wide would be the medical directer.

Of course my mind goes straight to the freak out wondering if it’s some mistake or malpractice that has him leaving and did he mess up this cycle for me or maybe all of my failed ones.  So after stewing for awhile I called to schedule a post failure consult and the receptionist asked me if I knew he was leaving.  I took the opportunity to ask why.  She actually started whispering and said it was on the “down low” and they were only telling people “like you who’ve been around awhile”.  She thought he was moving on to “do something else in fertility” but that it would be far away from here.  Eventually, I calmed down by reminding myself that this is a very competitive business and docs are probably always looking for the next stepping stone and decided that if it was some bad incident that had him leaving he wouldn’t be sticking around to do two more months of cycles.

This has thrown me into a tizzy of deciding what to do.  I could hurry up and do one last cycle with Dr. A.  Ya know cause he’s had so much success with me (insert sarcasm here) OR wait and do the cycles with the big wig (I’m too tired to come up with a cute nickname, it’s Dr. Sher from Las Vegas, anyone heard of him?  Opinions?), or I could move the frozens to another clinic and start all over which seems like a waste of time.  It all feels so pointless because I don’t believe the frozens will come to anything yet I don’t have the heart to donate or discard them.  I don’t really believe good things happen anymore, to me anyway.

However, I did go ahead and schedule a consult with Dr. Sher in December when he will be here preparing for the February cycles and I can’t stop scheming about cycles beyond the frozens and how I could scrape up the $20,000 I’d need to start completely over.  It’s not going to happen, I know, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about it.

And PS I don’t want to be a “special patient” who gets things on the “down low” because I’ve been around so long.  This did NOT make me feel special AT ALL but just amped up the bitterness.

Also PS, anyone have any questions for Dr. A?  I think he will say the exact same thing he’s said 4 times before and I just can’t think of anything to ask him besides about surrogacy for the frozens.


The other thing I think is on the down low….  Women under 40 this is a public service announcement for you…God knows I wish someone had pulled me aside and prepared me for this.   Something I’ve never heard any woman talk about so it wasn’t on my radar at all…

I went to the regular gyno only because I wanted my Xanax prescription renewed and they wouldn’t do it because I was due for a yearly.  Anyway, she’s doing her thing, swabbing and all and then she says in a tone FAR too bright….. “OK time for a little rectal exam!”  Before I could utter the syllable, “WHA???” she was freaking in there.  In THERE, where NO ONE should be.  “Uhhh when did we start doing this?” is what I eventually was able to stammer.  “After 40 you get the 25 cent prostate exam!”  I’m telling you this woman was far, far too cheerful about the whole thing.  I can laugh (ok smirk bitterly )about it now, but it was horrible.  She was in there about 5 seconds and I know it was just medical protocol but I had an icky feeling that just stayed with me for the rest of the day.   You would think that after having so many hands in me over the past 4 years it wouldn’t have shocked and embarrassed me so much.

Women of the world, WHY was I not informed of this!


9 comments on “On The Down Low

  1. You’ve been feeling ambivalent about Dr. A for a while. Maybe Dr. Sher (and I have read something about him somewhere on the internet) can give you some new thoughts. As for the rectal exam, yeah, they are not fun, but someone should have forewarned you.

  2. I say give Dr. Sher a try. Maybe a different doctor will make the difference. I’m familiar with his name; I’ve read a few articles (or something) by him.

    Okay, I’ve never had a rectal exam along with a pap. WTF? I’m scheduled for a pap in 2 weeks, now I’m a little worried.

  3. Hi Paige, I have experience with Dr. Sher as our RE and would be happy to share my experience with him if you’d like to DM me. I only wish someone would have been able to offer me advice on him when I was researching doctors. If you are thinking of going with him, I would love to talk with you first.

  4. Hi!!

    I have also gone to the Sher Institute. I absolutely adore Dr. Peters at that clinic. He still does my monitoring for my cycles but I now go to CNY. Why? B/C the Sher Institute is COMPLETELY overpriced in their donor egg cycles. If you decide that you might want to do another DE cycle please shop around.

    Now here’s some of the “down low” that I know about the Sher Institute…At CNY they hired a very prominent doctor from the Sher Institute and I at one of my transfers mentioned the I used to go the Sher Institute and that they still do my monitoring and was curious why he left…this doctor basically said that he was supposed to take over one of the big Sher clinics but Dr. Sher decided to basically sell the practice and he plans on eventually selling them all and the prices will only go up from there. He didn’t like this practice and left.

    Keep your eye out.

  5. Sorry to hear Dr A is leaving. He was pleasant when I consulted with him but didn’t go there. I will say around all the way that I went in my journey, Dr Sher himself in Vegas is the one that directed, tested and transferred these two that are due any day. For that, I can’t say enough about him! Good luck!

  6. I posted and lost it so hope this goes through! I’m sorry Dr A is leaving since he was pleasant when I had my consult. I opted to go elsewhere and that didn’t work but its ironic out of all of that, I ended up with Dr Sher himself directing this cycle and doing all testing and transfer and early monitoring of these twins in Vegas. Due any day now and I can’t say enough good things about him for that reason. Good luck!

  7. I think having a consult with Dr. Sher is a good idea. It just sounds like Dr. A is moving on.

    And thanks for the heads up about the rectal exam after 40. I’d be freaked out, too, if I didn’t know ahead of time.

    I’m continuing to keep you in my prayers.

  8. I’ll find what I read about Sher but I don’t remember it being good. I’m sorry. It was one person’s experience with SIRM – Las Vegas. I don’t know if it was the staff or him specifically though. With that said, I would schedule and get a feel for him and decide for myself anyway.

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