So I’ve spent the past few months fruitlessly running around to different doctors. You may remember that Dr. 1 freaked me out by suddenly recommending “another uterus” then got the heck out of town and Dr. 2 who is a pretty bigwig in the field spent about 60 seconds flipping through my chart before declaring with confidence it was a autoimmune problem and when those tests came back with one “borderline” result he recommended just going forward with the treatment for it anyway without doing any further tests. I really liked Dr. 3 who I’d seen before for a second opinion but she was absolute about not giving me the treatment Dr. 2 so quickly recommended. I wanted to go forward with her at that point but I just wasn’t comfortable about it when I thought about how very confident Dr. 2 was that I needed the intralipid treatment. Dr. 4 seemed like a good doctor and I was hoping he could break the tie and ease my mind but he was a little carsalesmany and there was a screw up with my records when I called the Friday before and specifically asked if my records were there. And yes I cried just a little during the consult. The “good” thing about him was he would do any treatment or test I wanted. But wait….I’m not a doctor. It was all so confusing….thinking about it totally overwhelmed me and sometimes made me cry.
So I prayed really hard for a sign…a very clear sign for what I should do. None of that symbolic crap. So when I told my long tale to Dr. 5, he explained that he couldn’t treat me because he worked under the “umbrella” of a Catholic university and then he said straight out that I should go to Dr. 3(subsequently to be known as Dr. C), and definitely not go to Dr. 2 or Dr. 4. And he said in plain words why. It probably was not quite professional of him to do so but as far as I’m concerned it was sound advice.
Since then I’ve had several lengthy conversations with Dr. C’s nurse and I’m now totally satisfied she’s moving every rock she can to make this happen for me. I feel she’s willing to compromise on most of what I wanted and she’s given me good solid reasoning and Lord knows she’s told me about all the research on the things she won’t compromise on.
Today I saw her for a saline infused ultrasound and trial embryo transfer. The trial embryo transfer went fine if a little pinchy feeling. The ultrasound was a little painful but bearable, alternated between pressure and pinchy cramps. It took a long time, though because my uterus wasn’t laying flat or something. Anyway, it showed a good looking uterus except in one corner where there were some white dots. That is my non-medical term for them. Dr. C said it could just be air bubbles but it could be little polyps or even tiny pieces of retained placenta which my body has placed protective coating around. Apparently, this last one happens in a tiny percentage of women, rather than what would normally happen which is infection. And we all know where I’ve stood with every statistic in this whole game. So she thought the best thing was to schedule a hysterscopy for later this month. Otherwise they will soon move my 5 little frozen embryos from our former clinic to this one and there will be a blood test for the “borderline” thyroid issue and one to check my thyroid after being on medication for a while. I’m to keep working on losing weight (down almost 20, thank you very much) and will have a scratch biopsy either later this month or next month and then on to the transfer.
It’s amazing to me that deep inside I don’t really believe the outcome of this last transfer would be any different no matter where or who did it but I somehow HAD to do all this running around. I had to be easy with whoever I ended up with and know that they were looking at every detail. Also, amazing that I’m so looking forward to this transfer and so dreading it. I don’t want my journey to be over and yet I feel as though I’m stuck in life until it is.
Also, I’m unfriending my former clinic on FB. What do a wake up to the other morning but a long post from Dr. 2 about how wonderfully successful the February cycle was and what a great percentage (like 83 or something) had positive betas and on and on. That would have been our cycle if I’d gone with him. How could I not doubt myself….I hope I’ve made the right decision.