Pretty happy here. I seem to have found a sweet spot of feeling great physically, low anxiety and yes, happiness is growing and growing. One small worry, I haven’t felt these guys move yet. I don’t think so anyway. I know I’m still well within the normal time frame of feeling movement but it does give me a “gahh” moment now and then. I stupidly looked back at previous blog entries and this week is when I felt Sweet Pea for the first time and I sort of wish the Sparks would get on with it. I go back to the doctor on Monday and it will be a huge relief to see them moving on the screen. Thank God for modern technology. I am trying to prepare myself for what I am calling “the danger zone”. I just imagine from week 20, when I lost my first pregnancy, to week 24, which represents viability, are going to be a high anxiety time possibly harrowing if some risk factors start to show up. I am trying to revel in every happy moment I have during this sweet spot I’m experiencing now.
I am noticing some physical changes too. Some of my pants are officially too tight and my boobs are filling the bra more these days too. More noticeable is that my boobs are becoming considerably firmer and the headlights do tend to be on quite a bit. I feel that heaviness in my abdomen all the time now and my favorite, favorite thing right now is rolling over in bed, feeling the weight of those little ones settling into my body. It brings on one of those “earth mother” moments….the life within me…how miraculous and then I usually indulge in a little belly rubbing. I wouldn’t usually consider myself the “earth mother” type but…there it is…many more moments like this to come, I hope, since I really live for them now.
Emotions are also a bit on the rise. With the first days of school, my mom likes to tell how on the first day of Kindergarten I insisted on walking down the drive way and getting on the school bus myself while she sat on the porch crying. This made me cry and cry thinking that someday I will have to put these babies on a bus that would take them away from me to spend the day with a stranger who doesn’t know or love them. I know I won’t be able to let them go.
I started school this week and it has been very exciting and joyful to tell all my co-workers. I absolutely love the double whammy. The news of the pregnancy brings surprise, happiness and hugs but the news of twins brings shock and awe….and in a few cases tears, screams and trembling.
The administrators have moved me to a new classroom. Previously, I’d been sharing a room with a good friend and now I have a room on my own. I’m not really happy about it because my roommate and I had such a good time together. It has been a challenge to move everything without lifting more than 10 pounds. Don’t worry…there’s no way I would ever over do it. Being so needy is just something I’m not used to. Thankfully, Mom, Stretch and Dollface came with me one day and helped move many boxes, books and baskets of reading materials and supplies. It was strange to me to just stand there and direct where to move this or that. It was hard work and not one of them complained…even the 8 year old pulled her weight with a smile.