Week 19 has been mostly wonderful. No big developments and yes, anxiety is building just a tad as we move toward the “danger zone”, but there are some small, wonderful things I’ve noticed. For example, as an overweight person I’ve never liked my shirt to touch my stomach. I realize that because of this I probably buy a larger size of clothing than I really need and therefore look like I’m larger than I really am but nevertheless, I rarely have a shirt fit so that it touches my stomach. Now, because of my little Sparks, my shirt is touching my stomach but I actually like it. it’s more like…aww…my shirt is touching my stomach. It gives me a little smile throughout the day if I happen to notice it.
I’ve also noticed the Sparks moving more this week. It’s fascinating how different it is from my recollections of Sweet Pea’s movements. I remember Sweet Pea’s as being very gentle bubbles like sweet little kisses and he would always move for me in the mornings after I awoke and was lying still and quiet. I remember rolling over in half sleep and smiling because he was saying “Good Morning” to me. These guys occasionally feel bubbly but more often it feels like two potatoes are jockeying for the better position in there. And they don’t seem to like when it’s quiet. Try as I might to feel something while I’m still so I can have one of those serene, madonna-like moments, it just doesn’t come. So far, I usually feel those thumps when I’m up and about, trying to do two things at once. So for now I have my madonna-like moments when it’s not serene or quiet…but I’m cherishing each one just the same.
There was a sweet moment for me at school when some kindergarten girls had their backpacks on backwards creating a pretend “belly” on their fronts. They were giggling and saying it was “like we have babies in there”. I giggled too and said I really did have two babies in my belly. They smiled but you could tell they were thinking I was crazy because I still don’t look very pregnant under all my fluff.
There’s an organization for parents of multiples near here and they had one of their huge sales last week. It’s a little early in the pregnancy and I’m not quite ready emotionally to be accumulating baby things but they only have this sale twice a year and I sort of wanted to find out what it was all about. I knew when C, Mom and I pulled up one hour after the sale opened and saw two grandmas each lugging two huge bags of clothing out that we’d gotten there too late. Even so, I was able to find a handful of sweet newborn clothes in good shape for $2 or so an outfit. I hedged my bets by getting 3 for a girl and three for a boy. At those prices, I don’t mind passing along one or the other if I need to. Also, my mom bought us two highchairs. It was one of those moments where reality really kicked in. Two high chairs…two of everything, we’re going to need two of everything…they are going to “baby” me out of house and home. The highchairs are in the basement for now and when I walk by those stairs I can see a bit of them and it makes me so happy. Like a little peek into our future.
Now, the not so wonderful part of the week. I had another bleeding episode yesterday just as school was over. Lots of bright red blood. Very frightened, I tore out of the school parking lot while trying to call every number I have for the doctor, nurse and triage…I couldn’t get a real human on the phone. Finally, I got a hold of the nurse’s triage number and they direct me to come to the pregnancy assessment center, somewhere I haven’t been yet. When I show up, I begin to cry because I’m so relieved to be in professional hands.
The rest is a playback of what happened during the earlier bleeding incident. They give me a pelvic exam in a room so small the two doctors and nurse keep falling over eachother. It would have been humorous if I wasn’t so scared. They tell me my cervix is closed and the cerclage unstrained and intact. They show me the Sparks with the ultrasound and they are bouncing around as if nothing has happened. Plenty of fluid around them, sacs and placentas intact. So while scary it was somewhat anticlimactic, Thank God. I was there for about an hour and went home with the same instructions to take it easy and keep hydrated. The bleeding was coming from outside the cervix, possibly a vessel the cerclage was near enough to irritate or the one that broke last time breaking again. I wish it would stop happening. Today there has been very little bleeding and I hope this incident is over.
At one point, the doctor asked about the first bleeding and I held up my hands to show her the size of the spot on my underwear. To my surprise she asks to see them. It would have been another humorous moment except that when she pulls them out of that plastic bag they give you for your personal stuff, I’m mortified to realize they are probably the shoddiest pair I own. Not only dingy but actually have holes in them. Of all the things to be embarrassed by on this long, long journey! So I’ve vowed to replace all my old crappy undies this weekend if possible….clearly I have to be prepared for anyone to see them at any time. Too bad it’s not for a more pleasurable reason than rushing to the hospital.