My Sweet and Timid Clara B. Dog,
I don’t know how I lucked out to end up with the perfect dog. You never caused me much trouble and you were always a good friend to me no matter what mental or physical state I was in. I really owe a debt of gratitude to my coworker who didn’t want you after you got out of the puppy stage. She helped us find each other and I was the lucky one in that exchange.
I remember when I brought you home, you could see your own reflection in the fireplace doors. You were a little scared of that other dog who was “living” in the fireplace. I knew then I had a shy girl on my hands. When we were both younger and you would leap into the bed of my little truck and I would take you just about everywhere with me. What good times we had.
I remember I could always form an opinion about my boyfriends by how they treated you and how you reacted to them. That test was never wrong. When we first moved to this home, across the pasture from my parents, Mom told me that for the first few weeks you would wander over there after I had left for school and would just lay on their deck looking toward our home in a forlorn way. When it was about time for me to be home, you would make your way home in time to greet me. You always had a tail wag for me, Clara B. Dog.
When we lost Greyson, Clara B, I wondered if you could understand what was going on with your mom so bogged down with sorrow and so many visitors stopping by. A few weeks later, you had to have a serious surgery on your knee. Those two nights you were away from home were two of the toughest I had during those first few months of grieving. I was without both my babies those nights and the house felt so empty without you.
I hope I was a good caretaker for you. I was very distracted at times during these past few years but it is my desperate wish that you were loved enough. You had to go through so much in such a short time. It was only when the vet said you seemed depressed that I realized I hadn’t seen that tail wagging in a while. I don’t know how long you were feeling unwell and I will be forever sorry I didn’t or couldn’t take better care of you in these last few weeks. Clara, when the last days came and you had that weary look in your eyes that said, “Please help me, Mom.” Well, girl…I hope I made the best decision for you. I don’t think I could have endured another night of hearing your labored breathing or another day of seeing you unable to get comfortable.
Thank you for being my steadfast companion during the very best and worst days of my life. I know you are running fast in Heaven chasing ducks and playing with four beautiful children, pain free and happy forever.