First Day Back

It was pretty rough.  A lot of people coming at me and a lot of sadness and pity, if not spoken then in peoples’ faces.  A lot of energy to put out. A lot of tears to hold back. I wanted to run away so many times but I didn’t, I stayed. Weird to be back, so many little changes. It felt a little like Rip Van Winkle, asleep for so long. It was good to be a little distracted by the children. I’ve forgotten a lot of kids’ names especially the kindergarteners, one of whom asked, “Were you gone yesterday?” But no matter how caught up I got there was always a little whisper in the back of my head reminding me my babies are gone and they’re never coming back. Hard to concentrate on anything else sometimes.  And I missed my animals at home. I haven’t been away from them for so long since I got home from the hospital.  My friend, Jae, of course was right there in it with me.  She came right out and talked about the babies and how beautiful their pictures are which she saw on flick.r.  It made me sad but it was good to talk about them too.  Not too many people will bring them up.  Only those who really loved them.



4 comments on “First Day Back

  1. Thanks for updating so often, I worry about you, I’ve never met you and you live many states away from me, but a day doesn’t go by I don’t think about you and your 3 beautiful sons. Keeping you and your boys in my prayers Paige.

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