Dear Em

Dear Em,

How can I thank you for giving me the precious opportunity to be a mother?  Even though it ended too soon, I will never, ever regret any of it.  I know you will always say it wasn’t a big deal and that you would do it all again but I can never be grateful enough to you for all you’ve done.

I will never forget how quickly you answered after I sent you that very first email.  You changed my heart when you said you were “in” for joining me on this crazy ride.  I was so excited I had butterflies in my stomach for days.   I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have such an amazingly big hearted cousin who was willing to go through so much to share her DNA with me. 

Above and beyond the physical gift a few cherished cells, I can’t tell you how many times during this whole process your attitude and words helped give me confidence.  When it should have been me encouraging you through a challenging medical process, it was you who constantly encouraged me.  I’m not sure I could have gone through another cycle without you as my inspiration.  I know I would not have tried again without your help. 

Even after I knew I was pregnant, but no one else did, you continued to inspire me.  The pregnancy was a triplet pregnancy at first and very unstable.  In the first few months there were some frightening bleeding incidents and the loss of little Mavis Emily.  I was very scared during this time and had a lot of anxiety but every time I went on Facebook you were there with one of your inspiring posts.   It amazed me how often the quotes fit so perfectly with our situation, even when you didn’t yet know we had a situation. 

Telling you I had become pregnant is a wonderful memory for me.  You looked so sweet with your tousled hair and jammies.  The look on your face and the light in your eyes…I’m smiling now just thinking about it and of course I’ve never seen you so speechless.   Thank you for being  just as excited as I was about these babies coming into our lives. 

Em, I couldn’t wait for you to be godmother as well as “co-parent” and “auntie” to our boys and I’m so sorry you won’t get a chance to.  I know from watching you with Kari and Todd’s kids that you have a special rapport with each of them and I know you would have had an extraordinary relationship with Jack and Aaron too.  I could just envision you taking them to ballgames and sharing inside jokes with them.   I was already thinking about how to tell them what a miraculous gift you had given our family.  

Thank you for your time in the hospital with us.  I’m so thankful you had a chance to hold and love Jack and Aaron.  I can just picture how you hugged and rocked them after rushing into the room that night.  I know they were precious to you too.

Who knew when we were kids playing together at Aunt Alys’ house that our futures would grow together in the amazing way they have?  I know she is proud of you for having such a giving heart and generous spirit.   I imagine she’s smiling at us from Heaven along with Greyson, Jack, Aaron, little Mavis Emily and Sarah. 

I will always love you more than you can imagine and I hope we will always have a special bond. 

Love,

Paige

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