Dear E and Dear C

Dear E, 

Thank you for the million things, little and big, you have done for me during my pregnancy and throughout my whole life.   You never hesitate but come right away when I need help.  I know it hasn’t been easy but thank you for always listening to me when I talk or cry.  Thank you for being a more generous and big hearted brother than I will ever deserve. 

I wanted to name one of my sons after you because you are the kindest and best person I know but I couldn’t bring myself to put your full name into the ground with such sadness.  I really wanted Jack and Aaron to be just like you and I know you would have helped me raise them both to be good men like you are:  hardworking, responsible, smart, patient, caring and honorable.

I know you would have been a good uncle and father figure to Jack and Aaron and I’m so sorry you won’t have a chance to.   I like to hear about or watch you with Stretch and Dollface, whether it is working on the farm, fishing or just talking and joking with them because I know it meant you would have that special kind of relationship with my boys too.  I couldn’t wait for you to teach them just about everything they needed to know on the farm and in life.  I could just see them running roughshod all over the farm and you corralling them to teach them how to fix or build something or care for the animals or how to work hard at something until it is figured out.   I considered you and C“coparents” in my little nontraditional family and I know we would have had fun raising these boys.

Thank you for sharing your family with me and letting me spend so much time with the girls.  Seeing them, even for a few moments, lightens my spirit.  You can never understand how much this has helped me survive this unspeakably heartbreaking time. 

And just as you’ve been there for us through the whole journey, you’re here now helping me in any way you can.  I will always be grateful that we were born into the same family and I hope you know I love you very much.

Love,

Paige

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Dear C,

How can I thank you for all your encouragement from the very start.  I remember when I first found out my eggs were bad and donor eggs would be the only way I’d get pregnant.  You said I’d come this far already and why not continue.  If not for this encouragement I don’t think I would have gone forward.  I will forever be grateful for the chance to become a mother although for too short a time.  You always offered everything you could to help me start my family including your own uterus.   I will never forget all that you were willing to do for me or the love and courage it must have taken to offer. 

I loved how excited you were about my pregnancy.  Thank you for calling every few days to check on us.  That made me feel very loved.  I really felt you were in it with me from the start.  I remember when I asked you if you were ok to take care of the children if I died and you did not hesitate one second to say that you’d raise them as your own and I know you would have. 

I was really looking forward to the boys spending time with you as they grew up.  You have a special relationship with your nephews and I know it would have been the same with Jack and Aaron.  I couldn’t wait for you to happily fuss over them as babies and come to their ballgames and teach them to swim as big boys.  We would have had a great time raising these boys together.  I was really considering you and E “coparents” in my little nontraditional family.  I’m so very sorry you won’t have a chance to be that special aunt in their lives.

And just as you’ve been there for us through the whole journey, you’re here now helping me in any way you can.  Thank you for sharing your family with me and letting me spend so much time with the girls.  Seeing them, even for a few moments, lightens my spirit.  You can never understand how much this has helped me survive this unspeakably heartbreaking time. 

I will always be grateful that you are part of my family and I hope you know I love you very much.

Love,

Paige

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2 comments on “Dear E and Dear C

  1. Paige…your boys are absolutely stunning…they really are. Thank you for sharing these precious letters and pictures with us. I hope you are finding a bit of peace in the new year. Thinking of you.

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