My Dearest Paige,
I wanted to send this to you because I know that you are reaching out to your babies and when I saw the print, it reminded me of you. I photoshopped it to make it have 4 little lights-one for Greyson, one for Mavis, one for Jack and one for Aaron
At the memorial service, when you picked up your ornaments you sounded worried because you had 4 to pick up. You said, “Isn’t that ridiculous?” I wanted to let you know that I think the answer to that is “NO”. I think the answer to that is you have so much love to give that you tried so very, very hard to give your love to a child! You tried, sacrificing your heart, your peace of mind, your body and your very own happiness. I know you’d do it all over and over and over if you knew it would result in a baby. You made the hardest choices I’ve EVER seen a person have to make on the night that Jack and Aaron were born, and I know that you had to make hard choices about Mavis as well as Greyson. You displayed SO MUCH LOVE for those children in the sacrifices and choices that you made- much more love than many parents ever display for their living children! So, no, it’s not ridiculous that you had 4 ornaments on that table- every single woman in that room would have more than one ornament on that table if she had to go through what you had been through.
I truly believe that your babies can feel that love from you. I think they felt it in the womb in the time they had with you. I think they can feel it now wherever they are, wherever “heaven” is. We know that they were perfect and beautiful and for the moments that they were here, I don’t think they could have felt anything but love.
I also know that all you want is to be able to hold them and have them here with you and it’s the most unfair thing in the world that you can’t! I’ll never understand why the person that I think would make the best mother in the world is the one without a living child. I wish there was something I could do to change that.
All I can do as your friend is to remind you that I’m still ready to listen, ready to hold your hand, ready to take a drive, ready to cry with you. If you are in a deep, dark place, I will try to come in there and dig you out. If you can’t come out for a while, I’ll be here when you are ready. I’ll never give up on you.
With all of my love-
xo xo xo xo xo