156/365 – Twins and their big brother. I spotted them at the library and they gave me such a pang in my heart I had to snap a pic. Bad quality but I want to remember them. This is what my family could have looked like.
157/365 – My Cousin, PS, we met for supper last weekend and I think she was shocked at my appearance. She proceeded to tell me she understood my loss because six years ago she had lost her teenaged kids in a messy custody battle because her husband was a fancy pants lawyer with money and she left with nothing including no job and no experience outside the home for 15 years. She went on and on about looking forward and distracting myself with a project or goal and how it was ok to binge eat and binge shop right now and that I would survive. Somewhere near the middle of the lecture I began to believe it wouldn’t end. For crying out loud, if anyone knows about loss and healing it’s me. I tried to explain how a piece of me was missing not just from my life but from the EARTH and how I was grieving so much many other things too such as school days, Halloweens, weddings becoming a Grandmother and everything else a mother lives for. She just wasn’t hearing me. Afterward there were very long texts giving advice and telling me “she could get me through this”. I love her and it was all from a good hearted place but….hard to handle.