I think I’ve discovered what I want to do as a second career when I retire. Earlier this week, the county sheriff came through with the drug sniffing dog to do a “random check”. I had to doubt it was random though because in 15 years of working there I’ve never experienced one before. Wondering if it had to do with the alternative high school which occupies a wing of our school. Anyway, it was fascinating watching the dog at work but less exciting than you’d think since he didn’t find anything. I embarrassed myself by asking his name and when the local police officer who was with them, started to introduce the sheriff, I said that I meant the dog. It was Rocky. The dog, not the man. Anyway, I kept thinking how great it would be taking your dog to work every day and with the extra fulfillment of catching bad guys. This definitely replaces my former dream job of figure skater.
First bike ride of the season tonight. I guess it’s official….I’ve survived the winter. It felt so good to stretch those muscles again and feel the sun on my back and the breeze in my hair. First time since before I got pregnant. Couldn’t help but feel sorrowful too. Every thing has that side to it now. I’m supposed to be too busy with two infant boys or too busy planning a 3rd birthday party for a special boy to go on a dumb bike ride right now. I’d give bike rides up forever if I could have those boys back.
Also, I’m missing my Grandma tonight. She used to say of her various medicines for her aches and pains that they would “kill it or cure it”. She would say the same of a questionable food item. It was a phrase she used to tell us with humor to get up and go on with life. Whatever happens you have to find a way to shoulder through it. I know she would say the same about this hard loss in life I’ve had. She had her own early loss and I keep thinking about what that must have been like for her back in the 40s. I don’t know much except that she lost it in the toilet and had to pull out the remains and take it to the doctor. I just imagine she was up and cooking, feeding chickens and caring for my dad and aunt within a few days of that happening and expected not to speak of it to anyone. Her own children didn’t even know it had happened until she mentioned it after my sister-in-law experienced a loss about 15 years ago.
I hope she’s holding my boys tight in Heaven along with her own little lost one.