This was my Mother’s Day photo. I had our usual Mother’s Day brunch. I still have a mother who deserves to be honored and celebrated and I was able to mostly keep it about her and not about my losses. Especially this year, which I would not have survived without her. After Greyson died, I felt as though she was leaning so hard on me but this time it’s been the opposite. She’s been everything to me from therapist to care taker, to cook and nurse. I’ve grabbed on to her emotionally and sometimes our relationship is what keeps me afloat. When I think about slipping away, I remind myself that it would kill my mother if I disappeared into depression. So a brunch with her family was really the least I could do.
It was ok….
But not really. It will never be ok. It was incomplete and I felt like the hole inside me was bleeding. I miss them all so badly. But I was able to keep up a facade until my mother turned to me and asked if I was going to start “actually” using “that back room”. Of course this is the spare room that has gone from being Greyson’s would-be nursery to my would-be bedroom because I was going to give my larger master bedroom to Jack and Aaron and recently it has been A’s and my baby’s room after our adoption.
Oh, it hurt so bad when she asked that.
She went on to say she wanted to give me my grandmother’s beautiful antique bedroom set to put in there. I said I’d have to think about it and then worked for the next few minutes keep from sobbing. I had planned to visit the boys at the cemetery in the afternoon but I was hurting so badly took the last oxy I had left from when the twin’s were born which I had been saving for a “special occasion” and slept away the afternoon instead.
212/365 Mom’s Birthday which was 3 days after Mother’s Day. We had pizza and cake and ice cream. I gave her the bracelet with “A thing of beauty is a joy forever” stamped on it. I’m relieved the spring celebrations are over.
213/365 Storytelling Fun
My favorite picture from a reading incentive party. Kids who met their goal were able to come see a local storyteller and received their certificates and prizes. It was a fun time with lots of laughter.
214/365 Gathering Eggs
Our neighbor has a mama pig with babies and Dollface is absolutely obsessed. She asks daily to go down the road to visit Gladys and her babies. I couldn’t get a picture of the piglets because it was too dark in there but here is one of her helping R collect his eggs.
215/365 Circle of Life