Cerclage Anniversary

My dad and I decided to take a short trip to Nashville to listen to some music.  We left today, which is also the one year anniversary of getting the cerclage procedure done that was supposed to keep us safe.  I was distracted most of the day with the drive and visit to Andrew Jackson’s home near Nashville and our first taste of the downtown honkytonks.  But it was in the back of my mind.  I just couldn’t help sending this email to my two friends late in the night when I was exhausted and feeling emotional.

Hi from Nashville,
Just wondering if you guys remember what you were doing one year ago today?  Taking me and the twins for our cerclage procedure.  Remember?  In the safety and comfort of Big Red.  Remember seeing them on the ultrasound?  We joked about A who I think ended up being Aaron kicking B who I think was Jack upside the head repeatedly?  Remember how dead I was from the chest down?  How I itched and itched as the anesthesia wore off?  Remember how excited and happy I was and worried too?  Remember playing the roles of Daddy 1 and Daddy 2?  Remember how you both cared for us?

Do you?

I just desperately needed to know that my precious sons are remembered and loved.

Their responses:

From MB:

I didn’t remember that it was today, but I will never forget being a part of every experience that we shared together.  I still care for all of you and love you deeply.
I do.  I always will.

From MC:

I didn’t remember the date, but I’ll tell you a few of the many things I remember. I remember that you were nervous, but hilarious. You were cracking jokes with the nurse at the receptionist station when you registered. We were all very excited and anxious to hear the heartbeats but no one could figure out how to get sound on the stupid machine. We were at least a little relieved to see their beats on the monitor.
The doctor kept calling them “upstairs baby” and “downstairs  baby”. ;)I am so grateful we got to share those moments with you and the boys. I loved that we got to be “Daddies” to your beautiful children, even though it was for only a little while. You probably don’t know this,but I keep a photo of you and MB kissing you as Daddy 1, a picture of their ultrasound from that day, a picture of Jack and Aaron, and their footprints in the back of my planner. 
I love all of you very much.

This response from MC brought tears to my eyes and brought a rush of additional memories of that day.  On the way there, I stopped to tell Em about the pregnancy.  I felt the urgent need to tell her because I was about 15 weeks along, a lot of people were in the know and I did not want her to find out through the grapevine. I will never forget her reaction.

I remember feeling so scared because this procedure actually causes a small percentage of losses at the time or shortly after the cerclage.  I wondered nonstop if I was doing the right thing.  When we checked in the receptionist said our room was number something-69 like 469 or something and since my friends and I can have the sense of humor of 14 year old boys sometimes so we stifled giggles.

I remember the staff all thought it was so sweet of my two friends to come and play the parts of “Daddy 1” and “Daddy 2”.  I told my friends someone had to kiss my forehead they wheeled me out because that is what the daddy does.  They both did.

We all thought how weird it was that these were some of the top doctors in the country yet none of them could figure out how to turn on the sound of the ultrasound machine.

The anesthesiologist was from China and I noticed his name badge also said “Ph.D” which I asked him about.  It was in neuroscience and I commented that it must be a difficult degree to earn.  He said he’d gotten all his degrees in China and MC said something in Chinese much to all our surprise.

We laughed and gossiped our way through the day.  Our other friend, SC, had an appointment nearby and stopped in for a few minutes.  I was able to tell her I was having twins.  I never tired of seeing people’s reactions to that wonderful news.

In order to be released, they had to hear digestion sounds from my belly with a stethoscope and I had to walk and keep my balance and pee.  I felt so well taken care of that day by my friends and medical staff alike.

I remember I felt so confident and loved afterwards.  I thought my  babies were safe and the difficulties over.  We saw a rainbow on the way home and I thought that was surely a good sign.  We arrived home at 5:55.  I had such good feelings all through the evening.  It felt like every little thing would be buttoned up and beautiful.



2 comments on “Cerclage Anniversary

  1. I have no real words. I am glad that MB & MC were with you and made you feel loved. Like everyone else, I so wish that Aaron and Jack were with you today. I love you and all of your babies so much.

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