Almost 2 weeks ago. Haven’t heard anything yet. The application was pretty challenging. I spent over an hour on 4 separate days working on it, plus all the in between time thinking about how to answer the tougher questions in the limited space offered. Over 60 questions asking about every thing imaginable from how my parent’s disciplined me to my past relationships and why they failed to my neighborhood and what it has to offer a child. The toughest ones were asking my thoughts on parents who abuse and neglect children and if I could work with them and also about my own parenting philosophy which I’m unsure of since I’ve never been a parent.
I have to say this is going to be tough. Probably tougher than I could ever imagine at this point. The more reading I do, the more I see that a child’s parents, particularly the mother is the pinnacle of everything the child’s world balances on. It seems no matter how bad the situation, the children want to go back and be with the woman who holds their heart and soul. So I spent a few days feeling sorry that I will never have a child feel this way about me, and I’m not quite over it. I probably never will be but there is nothing to be done about it. As much as it hurts to realize it and it has taken years for me to realize, my time for hoping for children from my own body is over, well over and there is no going back. This is one of the most heart-rending things I’ve had to accept.
The blogosphere, which has offered so much advice, support and love, in my past “adventures” seems to have little to offer a single childless mother on becoming a foster parent. There are plenty of foster parenting blogs with two parents and other siblings but only a rare few on singletons like me doing it. And those I stalk like some sort of creeper, just hoping to glean every morsel of wisdom and advice from them. No one seems to be writing about the point in my journey where I am. Thus, I will try to faithfully document this next part of my journey. There might be someone out there who needs to read it.
W.eight W.atchers Update:
It feels like it has gone slowly, but I’m down almost 20 pounds in about two and a half months. The best part is that Em and I have become much closer with our cousin, T and her wife, C. Safe to say I would have quit already if it were not for their support and knowing that I will see them at the meeting each week and report my loss or gain. Also, they have begun to come to church with us so we’ve become quite the weekend sorority.