lt came in the mail today. I’m terrified. Much to my surprise….. This is just about the only emotion. All I can think is that I couldn’t keep my own sweet, perfect children alive and now some schmuck in Springfield has made it official that I should be responsible for keeping children who are traumatized, not only alive, but alive and healing. Maybe this was a huge mistake and waste of time. What was I thinking?
I wrote the above yesterday. After 24 hours, I’ve settled into mild but consistent anxiety about the matter. I can always decline if and when they call to offer me a child. I want a family and children more than anything but I’m still wondering if I should go through with this. A facility…I am a Facility. Seems so cold….like I should require uniforms and paint all the walls hospital green.