Top of the Prayer Parade

God, I miss my boys.  It’s true I don’t have much time to feel their absence the way I used to but as E, C, Dollface and I have been in and out of each others homes this week picking up and dropping off kids, I can’t help but think that this is how it was supposed to be if my own children had lived.  Visiting back and forth, being a family, helping each other raise kids.  When I do have a few moments to think about it their not being here hits with an intensity I thought I’d moved past in the grieving process.   I wish with everything I have, that I was picking out clothes and running around to summer activities with them.

I’ve been telling Sunny how much I will miss her and that I wish she could stay.  Social Worker and Counselor are planning to come out on Tuesday to break the news to her together so I figured I’d try to lay some ground work.  At dinner tonight, Sunny told me she might stay a few more weeks.  I made a big production of being happy about it which wasn’t hard because I am happy about it.

Social Worker had told her this when she brought a grocery bag of clothes to her yesterday (I’m starting to wonder if this kid had any toys at home) and then took her out to exchange one of our G.ood W.ill purchases which was a huge pink prom dress I had let Sunny pick out for dress up but the zipper was broken when we got home.   Although I don’t know much about buying clothes for kids, I have to admit I’m really enjoying outfitting this girl with every cute bargain I can find.  I think about how to fix up her room and help her personalize it all the time but I think it’s too soon for that and when it is time we must ease into it one item at a time.

After dinner, we sat down with her journal to write down the next few days’ schedule.  She didn’t really want to take the time to do this but I think it helps her to know what’s coming up.  Anyway, after she’d retreated to her tablet, I flipped through the journal.  MC had given it to her.  I didn’t realize she was actually using it.  There was a page that said, “I feel like I will die if I don’t see Aunt.”  Poor homesick girl.

I made it to the top of the hit parade.  Well, the prayer parade.  Every night Sunny prays sometimes heart breaking prayers and of course at the end we do the “God Bless” bit.  Usually it’s Aunt first, then brothers, then social worker and sometimes I bring up the end after which I say, “AND God bless YOU, Sunny.”  But tonight I was first.

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2 comments on “Top of the Prayer Parade

  1. I am glad that Sunny has you. You can understand her pain and loss. I can only imagine the triggers that are there for you in this experience. You are truly one of the strongest people I know.

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