Second Thoughts

Well, it was awful.  Just awful.  She cried and cried and screamed.  Aunt S wrote her a letter trying to explain but of course an 8 year old heart can’t understand the why…they just want their family.  Awful enough to be neglected and “given away” by your parents now the last relative you had hope for is giving up too.  It was just wretched.  Then she wanted to go back to her foster home from before the Aunt and couldn’t understand why she couldn’t.  I just want to shake people and tell them to get it together…these are children not toys to throw away.  I’m hating Aunt S right now.

Worst of all…I’m having cold feet or second thoughts or something.  What have I gotten myself into?  I’m not sure I have enough to give this child.  What was I thinking?  Now, I’m in it for real and forever because no way am I going to let that girl go through this again if I can help it.  Too many people have let her down.  I’m feeling a horrible pressure because what if I’ve made the wrong decision?  What if I can’t do it?  What if I’m just not enough?  What if she’s disappointed for the rest of her life because I’m not a good enough mom.

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10 comments on “Second Thoughts

  1. You sound like an amazing mom…those fears & concerns are from the heart just as any mother would have…because you want so much for this little girl you are enough…hug yourself. You are amazing…my children are my own flesh & blood & I worry every day I’m not enough….

  2. You are an amazing mom & you are good enough. Sarah said it exactly, your concerns are exactly how moms feel. Just the fact that you don’t want to let her down is proof enough. Breath…you’re the best thing to happen to that little girl. She may be disappointed, but it won’t be because you were there for her.

  3. This girl needs someone like you. You are enough. You are more than enough. The two of you just may be what the other needs to heal. Maybe two broken hearts can make a whole.

  4. Your fears of not being enough for her, are the exact thing that will help you be a great mom to her. You will be the type of mom that stops to think of new ideas when you are both having a rough day, you will think of the world from her point of view, you will be a voice and advocate for her. You don’t need to worry what kind of mom you WILL BE, you already ARE one!! I have a feeling you will both become stronger together, and you will help each other heal a little bit over time.

  5. welcome to the world of being a mommy. you will have these thoughts and doubts no matter what. that is the sign of a good momma. one who worries that she will not be enough, that she isn’t doing it right, or that it is overwhelming. this little girl is so incredibly lucky and blessed to have found her way to you. “God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.” Rascal Flatts

  6. The concerns you are having are what will make you the best mother any little girl could ever dream of. You’re going to be there for her, good times, bad times, ALL. THE. TIME. You don’t have to be perfect you just have to be there. It will take time for her little heart to heal and for her to start to trust again. It’s going to be hard but you will both weather this storm and come through stronger because of it. Have faith and keep loving her no matter what she does or says, she needs you and you CAN “handle” this. You’ve proven over and over (and over) how strong a person you are.

  7. I agree with Kat that you have proven over and over how strong you are. I will also say that I might be more worried if you didn’t have conncerns. As you know becoming a parent in any way is scary. To take in a hurting child has to be terrifying. BUT I have no worries about your being “enough.” You are a wonderful person and wonderrful mom. You will put more effort into caring for this child than probably anyone has ever in her life. Sending lots of positive looving thoughts for both of you.

  8. I have been reading your recent posts but not commenting since I find the whole situation with Sunny so sad – and she is just one of countless kids going through such turmoil in their young lives which breaks my heart 😦

    I too am hating Aunt S right now and feeling so bad for this little girl. BUT she is lucky to have found you and the fact that you don’t want her to go through something like this again speaks volumes to the sort of person you are – kind and loving.

    Paige, as previous posters have said, what you are feeling is normal. Having a child is a big responsibility and we all have times we feel inadequate. Take one day at a time. You can provide her the stability she needs and the trust and love will come slowly once she heals. You have been through so much yourself that I think you will be able to empathize with her in a way few ppl would. Wishing you and Sunny all the best.

  9. One day at a time! The idea of raising a child, a whole child, forever and ever, would be daunting to anyone. But just get through one day, and breathe, and get through the next day, and things will get easier. RIght now she’s so emotional and upset (understandably), but it just shows how deeply she’s able to form attachments. Think of the day, someday, when the strength of her feelings and her deep capacity for devotion will turn to you. This daughter of yours will make you proud.

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