The other day Dollface and another cousin who lives nearby were with us making blackberry jelly. The cousin noticed an item I had with Greyson, Jack and Aaron’s initials on it. I kept it light but explained who they were and that they lived in Heaven and then moved on to something else very quickly. Later than night we were on the way home from having pizza with my parents and Sunny asks my mom if she knew I had children. Mom stumbled a little but said yes she knew I’d had three boys. Sunny then popped out with, “Whose the father?” Talk about unprepared…Mom and I kind of chuckled quietly in the front seat. You can’t exactly tell a kid it was number 13325. Again, I kept it moving and said I’d explain it later.
This kid…her brain is always working….still later we were dishing out some ice cream and she asked if my children had ever gotten to eat ice cream. Finally, this time we were alone and I could talk to her about it. I told her how little and perfect they were and that they were much too young when they died to have enjoyed ice cream. She really seemed crest fallen by this and said how sad it was to never have had ice cream or a birthday cake.
I was then able to go on to explain that while I didn’t know exactly what she was going through, I had experienced a devastating loss too and that I could kind of understand because I still think about my little boys every day and miss them more than anyone could imagine and that I still can’t understand why something like that happened. I told her that when she said she would always be sad when she thought about Aunt S, I knew what that was like because it still hurts a lot to think about Greyson, Jack and Aaron. I only cried a little. She seemed to empathize some…as much as a heart broken 8 year old can.
It’s a relief to have talked about it with her. I’ve wanted to but with her being so fragile right now, it didn’t seem like the right thing to do.
Tonight she is at her first sleepover at Dollface’s house. Quiet around her without her….