Disrespectful Emotion

I can handle any emotions this kid throws at me.  Does she feel sad, abandoned, scared, tired, alone, not wanted, like you do everything wrong…I get it.  She has the right and I expect her to have every and any emotion out there.  What I’m having a hard time with is the ugly disrespectful back talk that comes with it.  And there’s a little defiance too like when I ask her to go to her room she just sits there staring at me hatefully.  She’s too big to move so I just stare back.

Dollface spent the day and night here yesterday and they spent a long time playing with a box of craft items that a neighbor had given us.  They made thank you cards for the neighbor and wanted to deliver them.  All ok so far…Sunny starts off on her bike and of course Dollface doesn’t have a bike at my house so I tell her she has to be polite and walk with Dollface.

This started an argument…ok so far…I can handle this.  But then she starts yelling at me about how she never gets to do ANYTHING she wants and on and on.  The tone of voice was just hateful.  Finally, she stomps off down the road to the neighbor’s house.  Dollface and I watch her go and Dollface starts crying because she doesn’t want to get anyone in trouble.  Dollface is so kind and tender hearted…I wonder if it’s fair to her to have brought this handful into the family.

When Sunny stomped back into the house, I sent her to her room where she made a lot of loud noise…screaming, kicking the wall and so forth.  After awhile she slamned out of her room and into the living room where Dollface and I are sitting.  I tried to send her back but she wouldn’t go…she just sat there saying horrible things with a hateful look on her face.  I kept taking more days of tablet away from her.  Finally, she calmed down enough to apologize to Dollface and me.  Which was fine but I still sent her back to her room which made her cry some more.  After 30 minutes, I went in there and talked to her calmly, explaining about expressing emotions respectfully and how to do it and that I wouldn’t send her away. etc.  If I hadn’t been committed to teaching a class, I would have taken the last night of VBS away from her.

What bothered me about my own behavior was that I COULD NOT let seem to let this go.   Afterwards, she was relaxed and pretty much in an “up” mood, I was drained and and crabby.  I just kept mentioning what happened.  Like she’d ask me for something or to do something and I’d say not after that disrespectful episode etc etc.  Finally, she said something like, “ok I get it, I’m in big trouble.”   Then I knew I had taken it too far.  I’ve always had a tendency to hold a grudge…this isn’t good for this little girl.


2 comments on “Disrespectful Emotion

  1. I am not counselor (never even finished the school counselor degree) but I know it has to be hard when facd with this bundle of anger, hurt, and energy. She is taking out on you all the pain she has experienced- not fair I know, but all she really knows. She may also be testing you to see if you are committed or just going to walk away like the other adilts in her life. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve it. Hopefully she will settle in and become calmer. If this works out, Dollface could learn some amazing empathy from her interactions with Sunny. Hoping and praying you both can settle in well together.

  2. One of the things I dreaded most about my mom growing up was her mood after she got mad about something. It didn’t matter who made her mad – she would be pissed off and angry and glare at everyone the rest of the day.

    Eventually, I learned there were adults who didn’t behave that way and it amazed me. You are being thrown into this difficult situation but you’re already leaps ahead of some parents, just by recognizing your own grudges.

    I wonder if there are parenting books acceptable for this type of situation? It definitely sounds challenging.

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