Our First Day

I selfishly tried to craft the kind of experience I wanted for Sunny’s first day of school.  I wanted to take Sunny to school and see that she found her room and got settled and was going to be all right in her new school.  Ok…what I really wanted was to be doing those things for Greyson.   He should be starting PreK this year and I badly want to be watching my baby grow into a little boy and experience those shy first few moments, feel him clinging to me and give him some words of reassurance and then watch him go off to his first school experience and wonder what he will learn and how he will grow this year.

I WANT GREYSON.

So, I got permission to get to my school late so I could get Sunny off to school in the “right” way.  The night before, she begged me to go to the babysitter in the morning.  Begged.  Having never experienced it, she thinks it’s some sort of big treat to sit around the neighbor’s house for over an hour and then ride the bus for close to another hour.  So in the spirit of compromise, I agreed to put her on the bus from home, rather than drive her to school.

She woke up before me at the crack of dawn, bright eyed, dressed and ready.  It was a long wait. We took photos.  We made goals. We played with the dog.  We played with the cat.  We went in and out of the house 100 times.  She got her dress dirty.  We cleaned her up.  I became very sweaty and we both became antsy and impatient.  Finally, she hopped on her bike and went up and down the driveway.  She’s done this hundreds of time with ease.  Today….she wiped out, skinned her knee, cried…the whole bit.  Of course, the bus picked that moment to turn the corner.  I dashed around getting bandaids and trying to fix her hair.

By the time I actually put her on the bus, I was at the point of not caring.  Messy hair, smudged dress…just sent her up those big stairs and was relieved.  I should have just let the regular schedule begin and not been selfish with her back-to-school experience.

Then, I changed my sweaty shirt, got into the car and cried on my way to my school.

I WANT GREYSON.

She came home very excited and told me so many good things.  I’m hopeful 3rd grade will be a year of growing and making memories.  I believe she has all the potential in the world and I want the very best for her.

I also WANT GREYSON.  I WANT GREYSON.  I WANT GREYSON.  I WANT GREYSON.  I can’t express it enough.  I want him with every thought, every emotion, every breath, every heartbeat.  I want him here with me.

I don’t know why but this picture of Scout cracks me up.
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One comment on “Our First Day

  1. You weren’t being selfish; you were trying to give her an optimistic stable start of the schoolyear which so many others take for granted. I can only imagine the pain this time of year must bring as you think of your children. You might want to do a namecheck on this post.

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