To The Parents Of Sunny

To The Parents of Sunny,

I have tried to get Sunny to write you a letter expressing her 8 year old emotions for and about you but she consistently says she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.  So instead, I am writing you a letter you will never read.  Apparently, when one surrenders their parental rights they are entitled to one last visit with their children.  You were supposed to have your final visit with your three living children today.  You were given three chances to schedule the visit, however, you did not follow through on any of the social worker’s calls so the last chance to see your children is no longer available to you.  I fretted and worried all day about your daughter and how I would tell her this heartbreaking news.  After I told her, I held her in my arms while she cried and asked if she would never see you again.  When she asked, “Why?” I had to say that I didn’t know and that I don’t understand any better than she does.  She worried that you might die before you could have a chance to see her many years from now when she is an adult.

You were given a precious gift…the birth of 4 biological children…a gift which some of us will never have and yet you squandered that gift like so much meaningless debris.  I hate you for this.  Your life choices disgust me.  How dare you.  Do you have any realization of how many lives you’ve shattered? Or how deeply you’ve shattered them?  I wouldn’t give up the opportunity to be this young girl’s mother, however, I would never, ever want to see a child or any human go through what she has gone through while loving you.  She loves you and she wants you.  Even after all you have put her through, I will always be a poor second, third, fourth choice.  You gave her life and she will forever consider herself “yours”.  This unwavering love and devoted loyalty is a gift I wish I could take away from you.

Your daughter is funny, witty, bold, charming, imaginative, smart, beautiful and kind.  She is these things not because of you but in spite of you.  She will carry the lessons you have taught her with her for the rest of her life.  You can’t trust people.  You can’t count on family.  You have to rely on yourself for survival.  To love and to trust only means having your heart crushed. Get what you can out of people while you can because sooner or later they leave.  Nobody in my family wants me.

Someday, I may feel sympathy for two people who were gripped by an addiction they could not overcome.  Someday, I might feel that you made the best choices you could with the life you were given.  Someday, I might forgive you.  But today, the day I had to break your daughter’s heart for the second time, is not that day.

Sunny’s Foster Mom

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6 comments on “To The Parents Of Sunny

  1. I have been following your blog for sometime now, in some ways I’ve linked my struggle to have a child of my own with yours. I too foster now, and your letter is an amazing expression of how many feel. How I feel. Thank you for posting this, and having the courage to share it. I feel less alone. Thank you.

  2. Wow! It is awful how some people squander the blessings they are given. I am glad though that YOU are there for Sunny. It is a heartbreaking time, but you have such an open heart to care for this child.

  3. Delurking to just say thank you. Thank you for articulating what so many foster parents and professional who work with foster kids (me) would like to say to parents who treat their kids so poorly. You are an inspiration and sunny is so lucky to have you.

  4. Thank you for being there for Sunny and for writing this on her behalf. I can’t imagine what that poor sweet soul is going though but I am so glad that she has you to help her through the storm. I have no idea who they are or what their lives have been like but I HATE her biological parents. She will never forget her parents or the horrible things they have taught her, but given the chance she WILL learn from you that she is worthy of love and that it IS safe to love others.

  5. I hate these two people that I don’t even know and will never know. I too am so happy that Sunny has you. She is so lucky to have that.

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