OMG Sunny’s counselor told her about where babies come from. OMG. Was this her choice to make? I feel as though something has been taken from me. From her. What if she wasn’t ready to hear that? I could tell it was a shock to her. The counselor also asked her if she’d ever seen a man’s penis and she said she hadn’t. This was all a relief to me since I’m not clear on her history.
This all started when we were in the car talking about her upcoming sibling visit. Just to make conversation, I asked her if she thought the social worker would pick her up first or her brother. She said she thought her brother would be picked up first because there was someone who lived with the brother who she was not supposed to be around. This person was “inappropriate.” Then she pops out with, “My dad told me I was “rated” when I was 2.” I asked her to repeat herself and she did come up with the word “raped”. She quoted her dad as saying, “I just thought you’d like to know..hahaha.” We talked for a little bit about telling someone when something like this happens and to be careful with that word because it is a very serious word but I didn’t question her too much at this time. I was aghast at hearing this and didn’t know what to say anyway. One of Sunny’s goals at counseling is to be open and honest about her past so I just tucked it away to tell the counselor later that week.
At the counselor, I asked her if she wanted to tell Counselor about this boy. She told her exactly what she’d told me. Counselor began to question her about what exactly happened and how old she was etc. She went about it gently….so far, so good. I was pleased that Sunny was opening up. Then, Counselor hit her with “Do you know what sex is?” Sunny said no and Counselor proceeded to come right out and tell her about penises and vaginas. Sunny was very shocked and asked if that was what her parents did. Counselor explained about consent and sex without consent etc. Then, she asked her if she’d ever seen a penis and whipped out this book about good and bad touch which had drawings showing body parts. I got up to leave at that point but right before I left, Sunny comes out with, “If this is how babies are made, then how did you get Jack and Aaron, Paige?” I told her we’d talk about that later.
I went to the waiting room when I proceeded to have a major freak out. I feel as though what little innocence she had left is gone. She can never again not know that information. Especially since in talking with her it is obvious she was not raped but just had idiot adults around her who said very ignorant things. I texted MB and MC in freak out mode but it didn’t make me feel much better.
I feel as though I’ve dropped the ball. I should have addressed this topic when it came up a few weeks ago but I told her she needed to be a bit older before we talked about it. Sometimes I feel like I’m screwing up this parenting thing just like I’ve screwed up everything else in my life.