Where Babies Come From

OMG Sunny’s counselor told her about where babies come from.  OMG.  Was this her choice to make?  I feel as though something has been taken from me.  From her.  What if she wasn’t ready to hear that?  I could tell it was a shock to her.   The counselor also asked her if she’d ever seen a man’s penis and she said she hadn’t.  This was all a relief to me since I’m not clear on her history.

This all started when we were in the car talking about her upcoming sibling visit.  Just to make conversation, I asked her if she thought the social worker would pick her up first or her brother.  She said she thought her brother would be picked up first because there was someone who lived with the brother who she was not supposed to be around.  This person was “inappropriate.”  Then she pops out with, “My dad told me I was “rated” when I was 2.”  I asked her to repeat herself and she did come up with the word “raped”.  She quoted her dad as saying, “I just thought you’d like to know..hahaha.”  We talked for a little bit about telling someone when something like this happens and to be careful with that word because it is a very serious word but I didn’t question her too much at this time.   I was aghast at hearing this and didn’t know what to say anyway.  One of Sunny’s goals at counseling is to be open and honest about her past so I just tucked it away to tell the counselor later that week.

At the counselor, I asked her if she wanted to tell Counselor about this boy.  She told her exactly what she’d told me. Counselor began to question her about what exactly happened and how old she was etc.  She went about it gently….so far, so good.  I was pleased that Sunny was opening up.  Then, Counselor hit her with “Do you know what sex is?”  Sunny said no and Counselor proceeded to come right out and tell her about penises and vaginas.  Sunny was very shocked and asked if that was what her parents did.  Counselor explained about consent and sex without consent etc.  Then, she asked her if she’d ever seen a penis and whipped out this book about good and bad touch which had drawings showing body parts.  I got up to leave at that point but right before I left, Sunny comes out with, “If this is how babies are made, then how did you get Jack and Aaron, Paige?” I told her we’d talk about that later.

I went to the waiting room when I proceeded to have a major freak out.  I feel as though what little innocence she had left is gone.  She can never again not know that information.  Especially since in talking with her it is obvious she was not raped but just had idiot adults around her who said very ignorant things.  I texted MB and MC in freak out mode but it didn’t make me feel much better.

I feel as though I’ve dropped the ball.  I should have addressed this topic when it came up a few weeks ago but I told her she needed to be a bit older before we talked about it.  Sometimes I feel like I’m screwing up this parenting thing just like I’ve screwed up everything else in my life.

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5 comments on “Where Babies Come From

  1. You did not screw anything up. I understand why you wish that the session had not gone that way. You want to protect Sunny from everything possible because you understand the pain she has experienced. Does the counselor believe that she was not raped? At the age of 2 and with regression, she could have been raped then and not remember it. It is sad that the dad told her something that serious in such a laughing manner.
    You are a wonderful support for Sunny as she heals. Now, you just have to explain the single mom & infertility stuff. good luck with that- my high schoolers were weirded out by my donor embryos.

  2. You did not screw up. But, IMO, 9 is actually a bit old to not know the simple basics. Sunshine will be 6 in a few weeks and has little by little been asking questions since she was about 4. A few weeks ago she asked me to explain how I got pregnant with her without a daddy. She actually knew all the info, but for the first time I explained it all in order. I highly recommend the book What Makes A Baby. http://www.amazon.com/What-Makes-Baby-Cory-Silverberg/dp/1609804856/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1447435013&sr=8-1&keywords=What+Makes+A+Baby Excellent simple explanations. Another good one is this one about the differences between girl and boy body parts. http://www.amazon.com/Who-Has-What-About-Bodies/dp/0763629316/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1447435173&sr=8-1&keywords=who+has+What

    This is not about taking away her innocence, it’s about giving her age appropriate information. Even at her age, she needs this information to protect herself. Also, it’s very normal for children to be curious about this. The more the topic is taboo and forbidden, the more they become curious. You DO NOT want her getting info from other children! For the most part, with young children, they want simple answers to their questions and then move on.

  3. One other thing to remember is that many girls start getting their periods younger than they used to. Even as early as age 9. Knowing basic facts and anatomy is important. You can handle this, Paige. Just take a deep breath and stick to facts.

  4. I’m with you on this one Paige and not because I think 9 is too young but because I think the therapist should have talked to you about this in advance. This is a talk parents are supposed to initiate. Also although your daughter is 9 she sounds to me like in some ways she is an immature 9 yo and hense this needed to be approached in a gentle way. I think you are handling it admirably.

  5. I was shocked when I learned they reccomend sex ed for kids by age 8. I think the counselor should have talked to you first, or at least given you a head’s up regarding the discussion. I feel like she might not be respecting your role as a parent.

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