I have to confess something…I’m tired of sharing Sunny.
Sunny’s biological grandfather is dying and her brothers’ foster parents are taking them to visit him. They think I should take Sunny too. Unfortunately her teenaged brother told her all about it on the phone and now she’s “excited” to go and see him. She says she remembers all about Grandpa and can rattle off a bunch of stuff about him but I don’t see how she has many memories of him since she was taken into care at the age of 4 even though she spent one year at the ages of 7/8 with kinship placements where she would have been able to see him.
It doesn’t feel right to me.
This is on her father’s side and although he is currently in prison, he comes from a family with a lot of siblings and a lot of drama. I’m pretty sure if I take Sunny to see this dying man, there will be aunts, uncles and who knows who else there crying and telling her they miss her and wish she could come back. I’m sure all of that is true…..
I just don’t think it’s in her best interest to be back in the middle of that right now. The older brothers have been at their placement longer and can more easily understand the difference between their old life and the new.
Am I being cowardly and not wanting to deal with this awkward situation myself or just not wanting to deal with the emotional blow back this will surely cause for Sunny. If the other foster parents think it’s a good idea for the boys and Sunny, shouldn’t I consider it for her? If I don’t take her, will I be depriving her of saying good bye to Grandpa?
I’m tired of making these hard decisions and respecting the birth family. At the same time, we talk about her life before she knew me all the time and I’m working hard on a life book for Sunny which honors her original family and all her memories of them.
I am selfish. I wish she was just mine.