Merry Christmas, Greyson–
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. It has been 7 years since you left my world. 7! You would be 7 this Christmas. I bet you would be starting to question the whole Santa scenario but I hope in your heart you’d still believe… no matter what kids at school would be saying. I know we’d be having fun with our advent calendar this year and doing kind deeds all through the season. I wonder if you’d be into some sort of electronics this year or still building things and racing cars all around the house. I know you’d be protective of your little brothers along with spatting with them sometimes too. You would love your sister, Greyson. I have no doubt of that. She would probably boss you around sometimes but I know she’d also help you with homework, read to you and play with you non-stop.
Merry Christmas, Jack and Aaron–
I miss you both very much and I think of you every day. You two would be 4 this year. I couldn’t handle Halloween at my school a few months ago because it hurt too much to see the pre-K students in their sweet costumes and know that you should be marching around in your costumes too. I tried to think of what you’d be dressed as… some cute paired costume like a cow and some cookies or salt and pepper but you’d probably each be different things, superheroes or animals. I imagine you running wild through my life. Three boys in one small house….what a life that would have been. I have trouble keeping up with your sister sometimes so I know it would have been challenging, crazy and fun. I think your sister would mother you both. She would feature you were HERS and always play with you and care for you.
I think of you every day, My Darling Babies. I wonder what you’d look like and if you’d be still playing with trucks and tractors. I wonder how many little pairs of jeans I’d be washing every week and if I’d be going broke buying new school shoes and rubber barn boots every month. I wonder how much your grandparents would adore you and how much your uncle would indulge you. I wonder what chores you’d be doing at these ages and if any of you would have taken special interest in our farm. I wonder how many Legos I’d have stepped on by now and which sports, if any, you’d be playing, and which parts you’d have had in the church Christmas Program. You are ALWAYS, ALWAYS with me Greyson, Mavis, Jack and Aaron.
I have to tell you something my boys….as I listen to your sister singing “The First Noel” in the bathtub…. my heart is light. For the first time in well over 7 years…things seem to be as they should. I look through old pictures and I can’t imagine a time without your sister. We’ve had a lot of challenges but being her mom has filled my heart. I still miss you all, I still have moments of unspeakable pain because we are not together. I still want you all every single day but I know I am where I should be and you are where you should be.
I love you.